|Photo Credit: Patrick Seruyange|
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Four truths I have realized about life (so far)
Work defines a significant part of our lives so we are largely shaped by how we look at it. Some people know exactly what they want to do right from the start. And for some others, it takes a little longer to figure it out. There are also those who just never figure it out.
What I realized about work is; it takes time to finally settle down and say, you know what, this is it and I’m not letting go. What matters is making a decision at some point in time. While you don’t want to be too harsh on yourself for not getting it right on the first try, it is also dangerous to continue being indecisive. So, in whatever you choose to do, Godspeed mate and be the absolute best at it.
There is no formula for this and like they say, love lies in the eyes of the beholder. This is very true in many respects. As human beings we want to feel a sense of love, belonging and some sort of value and these are the same set of values we look for and expect in a potential soul mate.
Because we become dependent on other people for love and support, it gives the other person an overwhelming amount of power over our emotions, which can be ecstatically rewarding yet consequential.
Every now and then we are bound to wind up with people who do not deserve us which often momentarily blurs our vision of what it means to selflessly care about another human being. In the absence of an absolute formula on how to love, I have realized that best we can do is love the other person anyway, believing the best in them because it serves no purpose to say you are in love yet you’re constantly worried over your heart being wronged.
Sure, it’s a likely outcome but your relationship could also be the start of something great but will be doomed by your paranoia that is unfounded. If you fall in love, you may as well experience your own 50 shades of happiness.
Family is where we are accepted, loved unconditionally and genuinely cared for. But, sometimes that’s not how it plays out and there are moments of conflict, anger and hurt that make us question our position in the family. I have however realized that through it all, at a basic level, family provides a certain level of security in our lives, making it an important aspect of who we are.
We may not all have families that resembles that of the Hustables (from the Bill Cosby show), but in one way or another, we all have people we regard as family and that is where our loyalty belongs because when all is said and done, they will still be by your side when the world turns against you. Family comes first and other relationships are secondary.
We all have one. It’s a total collection of life’s experiences, ranging from glorious to shameful to downright sad. The most important lesson I have learnt is; it is comforting to know that I am only human and therefore not perfect.
2011 was an enlightening year in my life. A series of events knocked the wind out of me which started with theft of my dad’s laptop that I had been using for my work and Uni. At the time, I had been designing a magazine and editing a wedding video. With the progress, I had anticipated to make a sizable amount of money in the weeks that followed. Everything was looking bright. Against my better judgment, I went out with a few friends the night before handing in the wedding video and when I returned, the laptop was gone.
For the eight months that followed, I had to deal with the lawlessness of being a failure and being a beginner again. And on top of that, I had debts. It was tempting to live in the past because it seemed a more comforting version of life because I was afraid to see beyond it. I still had an idea of where I wanted to be but couldn't quite get myself to get up and start working towards it because I somehow feared I would fail again and I found that petrifying.
It all hit me when my dad sent me a month’s notice not to return home after my final exams. It blurred life even further and the uncertain I had to live with almost drove me to give up but in the midst of it all I realize that growing up is nothing but a series of moves an individual has to take at different stages. Scary though it is, we cannot possibly grow by staying in the same place.
Moving forward is and has always been the best course of action even in the darkest of days and my past has proved that. It’s okay to indulge in the past every now and then but it is certainly unacceptable to stay there and anyone who is not willing to stop making excuses for where they are, may consequently never be able to get over an incident. Which is downright sad, given that happiness is simply what lies on the other side of fear.
We all have a past, the best thing we can do is move things along.